raw, part II

there was learning to be raw with those around me, with anyone and everyone, enjoying the freedom of not pretending, letting them see, not ashamed. surprisingly, learning to get raw with myself is another animal. a deeper issue. didn’t realize that i didn’t want to be real with myself, let myself be still, in the quietness of my own head – can iΒ be ok with me?

fear-driven, i made decisions. dare not displease, heavens no! so deeply rooted in fear, i couldn’t even hear any other voice. i couldn’t hear that it was ok for me to not want that. that it was ok that itΒ bothered me. i don’t “have to”.

a new freedom. first, to let myself be seen……graduated into letting myself see myself. turns out to not be so terrible, you see, because all along, it was He, living in me. He gets His rightful place back, Lord of my life. The only voice I want to hear. C.S. Lewis puts it well, “When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.” AHAAH! Him first, then build on that, and each thing can be free to be what it was meant to be. i don’t NEED to please you – you are not Lord of my life. i don’t NEED to have that – it won’t fill me up. i don’t NEED X or Y or Z – You’ve already met all those needs, I just need to turn to You, and there find my rest. You promised Your yoke would be easy and Your burden light…here, take this. i surrender.

Advertisements

humble me, break me

all that i assumed to KNOW…

praise God for a humbling process that broke me. in the best of ways, it broke me to lead me to a place of knowing what i DON’T KNOW. in the place of that “KNOWledge,” i was left with bigger love.

years ago, my mentor said to me, “knowledge puffs up, love builds up.” it’s been a process for this to make more and more sense to me. i now see that some of the truth of this was blocked by what i thought i KNEW. and i believe that God chooses to break that, to yield bigger love.Β 

these things weren’t bad things. they were even part of my testimony – areas God was using in my life. but somewhere along the path of thirsting for God, and seeking to be obedient, i took a turn down a path of arrogance, and legalism, and love fell by the wayside…i forgot about the importance of love. i loved less and cared more about the “rules.” these rules became more of an identity for me than Christ. and that’s when the time came to break…Β 

thank you, God, for the times that hurt and are hard and not making sense. they force me to live on less of me and more of You. and as if it should come as a surprise, deeper love was to be found.Β 

margin

beloved margin. in our physical spaces, in our schedules, in our budgets, and in our minds. i love me some margin. i need me some margin.

margin in my physical space gives me that room to breathe. when i look around my space and there’s something in every corner, on every surface, and i have to FIND a spot to set down my purse or laundry basket or glass of water! aghh! i feel the crazy coming on! and i feel the calling of simplicity. get rid of the superfluous! i want LESS so i can LIVE MORE.

a jam-packed schedule can make me cry. not even being dramatic. it’s suffocating. to have somewhere to be, by a certain time, going, going, going…eeeeek! my mind needs windows to just wander, and liiiivve. my favorite day for this is monday. it takes the “mondayness” out of the monday. πŸ™‚ i INTENTIONALLY keep the white space in the calendar to ensure that my week gets off to the right start, regroup from a weekend well-lived, and get the week set onto the right track…then everything can at least be somewhat in place when all the week’s surprises and variables hit!

room in a budget. you’re going to spend it, so just plan for it. guiltlessly. don’t let yourself be surprised that a certain afternoon required a dose of Starbucks. or that you just needed a meal cooked by someone other than you. within reason, plan for some margin in the budget to give yourself a break! otherwise, what’s life without little treats of enjoyment?!

i think you’ll find that with a little bit of nothing, you’ll discover something. you’ll hear your own voice, and find a part of yourself that was hidden behind all the clutter. get your margin on.

baskets, baskets, baskets

Screenshot_2015-03-26-13-10-20-1iΒ amΒ a basket-case for baskets! let’s face it, in the face of life, there will be messes. there is no way to live without messes happening. and that’s ok! i can face just about any beast of a mess with a well-curated team of baskets at hand. (home goods is my drug dealer of choice.) have a pretty collection of baskets dispersed around the house, and any wrangling of items becomes a not-so-overwhelming task. toys that tend to wander into MY room (because boys just love being wherever momma is)? – cute basket tucked under an end table! toys in the living room, because it’s called the LIVING room? – giant (yet pretty) woven basket tucked under the credenza! fabric lined, natural, whatever your flavor, having an arsenal at hand will keep the ugly stare of unwrangled messes at bay. πŸ˜‰ you. are. welcome.

{thank you, crate & barrel, for a well-curated image}

raw

is it just me or is it the general assumption that if someone chooses to write about something, they must be some kind of expert on the topic at hand? well, welcome to dWell – a public journal on living well, where the author assumes they actually know very little on the topic being discussed. πŸ™‚

i’d say, the motivating force behind that which i write, is more of an interest and desire to grow in these areas. it is more so my weakness in these areas that brings me to the place of writing about them, as i seek clarity and marinade in the ingredients that bring me freedom…

ingredients:

self, raw

Holy Spirit

humility

Godly counsel (any quality forms will do i.e., good reads, good friends, etc)

and here we can hope to find that which brings about life lived well. it’s not from myself that i will make progress, but from allowing myself to be raw, open, and transformable.

i find that the areas in my life that bring me the greatest peace, are the ones where i’ve surprisingly relinquished my death-grip. when i hold on so tight, as if i’m in control of anything, that is where i’ll thrive the least. so i boast not in the things that i do or know, but in Him who takes this blind, lost, and broken lamb, and leads it to life. abundant life.

so there you have it. i know nothing. πŸ˜‰ (feels good just putting it out there.)

keeping the Sabbath

why would we forego the commandment to rest? it is purely because of love that He asks us to take the opportunity to choose quiet so that we may have the opportunity to hear His voice and to feel His presence in our lives. amidst the hustle bustle, we are deaf to the Β gentle nudgings that we can otherwise only be attune to when we allow ourselves to hit pause for the pure and simple purpose of cultivating our relationship with Him. thank you, God, for knowing in advance that what we’d need is rest. it is in the sweet silence i draw closest to You. Amen.

there are no words…

image1-16…what can you possibly say to do this image justice? if this doesn’t simply exemplify how we aim to live, then i don’t know what does. that smile on my niece’s face is the total embodiment of life being lived to the fullest – no reservations, just weightlessness.

lucia, what God aimed to do with you here on this earth, while the entirety remains to be seen, the glimpse is nothing short of amazing. thank you for showing us the essence of life.

tatie will ALWAYS πŸ’— you!